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Have You Separated but Want to Get Back Together with Your Ex?

Factors to consider
  • 5 March 2024
  • 5min

Sometimes, a separation is inevitable. Perhaps the relationship problems have become too significant, and you haven't found ways to overcome them. For many people, this means a reorientation toward separate lives, gradually transitioning away from the togetherness that once was. However, others may find a way to get back together after a separation or divorce – as friends or as a couple.

Getting back with your ex is possible but relatively uncommon. Factors that may influence the chances of getting back together can include the reasons for the separation, how the separation was handled, and individual circumstances surrounding the relationship. The likelihood of reconciliation is significantly higher if the separation was a mutual decision.

Factors affecting the possibility to get back together with partner

One crucial factor is the reason for the separation/divorce. If the couple separated due to significant issues such as infidelity or long-term conflicts, the chance of reconciliation is lower. Reconnecting requires both parties to genuinely want to work on resolving the problems that existed in the relationship before the separation.

How you communicated and cooperated before and during the separation also matters. Open and respectful communication, along with a willingness to collaborate and compromise, increases the chances to reunite if that's what both parties want.

Additionally, other factors may come into play, such as the amount of time that has passed, individual personal growth, whether either party has entered into a new relationship, and external influences like opinions from family, friends, and life events that either one or both have experienced. These factors can have both positive and negative effects.

It's crucial that both parties are willing to work on the relationship if they decide to give it another try to reunite. Couples should also consider seeking professional help/couples therapy to address the underlying issues that led to the separation in the first place and improve the chances of rebuilding the relationship.

Reconciliation after separation

If both of you are willing to work on your relationship to get back together, here are some things to consider:

1. Reflect on your individual growth

After a separation, it's essential for both parties to reflect on the personal development they've undergone during their time apart. What have you learned about yourselves and what you need in a relationship? Understanding this can help you identify what aspects of the relationship you can work on if you decide to reconnect with your ex.

2. Communicate openly and honestly

Open dialogues about your feelings, needs, and expectations are important. Be open to listening and try to understand each other's perspectives without judgement. It can be challenging, especially if there are unresolved conflicts from the past, but it's necessary to rebuild trust. Many may need the assistance of a therapist.

3. Be patient and give it time

Reconnecting with your ex is a process that takes time. Give yourselves time to grow together again, and don't let expectations of immediate change create pressure. Be patient with each other and be prepared to face setbacks along the way.

The importance of being able to let go

If you're not both in agreement about giving it another try, remember that both parties being willing is a crucial factor. If you want and hope to get back together but your partner doesn't feel the same, the best thing you can do might be to let go for now. This might involve limiting contact and focusing on other areas of your life that bring you joy.

Limiting contact will look different depending on the type of relationship and your history. For example, if you're co-parents, you'll need to maintain a good relationship and cooperate in parenting, which can make it harder to move on from the romantic relationship. After a separation, it's common to feel bad for up to two years, during which time it's normal to have many doubts and be uncertain – especially if the separation was initiated by the other person.

Thinking a lot about the past relationship, grieving, and hoping for a reconciliation is common during the period after a separation. However, If you get too caught up in dwelling on the relationship and wondering if you should get back with your ex and if it's possible, it's important to also focus on other aspects of your life that brings you happiness and limit all excessive rumination about getting back together. If you just let go of the idea that your partner will change, what do you need to do to feel better in life? What's the first step you can take?

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