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How do I know when to break up with someone?

Gain insight into your relationship's strengths and challenges through our Relationship temperature.
  • 27 March 2024
  • 5min

Sometimes there's talk about tests and quizzes that could determine if you're in a good relationship. These tests are supposed to provide answers to the question if you should break up or stay in your relationship, or give an indication of when to break up with someone. Even in couples therapy, it's common for couples to seek clear advice on when it's time to break up. However, it's not as simple as just ticking off symptoms on a checklist.

All couples face tough situations from time to time – it can feel challenging and you may have doubts. Passing judgement on the existence of the relationship in such situations is not possible. But if you're constantly wondering if you should break up, it could be an indication that you, as a couple, or as an individual, may need external help.

Should I break up? - Understand your strengths and challenges with our Relationship temperature

Your relationship is influenced by many factors, such as your personalities, communication and how well you understand each other. External circumstances that affect your needs and conditions also play a role.

Understanding how you are as a couple is important for taking care of each other and the relationship in the best possible way. This also makes it easier to make well-founded decisions if you're considering breaking up with your partner.

Identifying what contributes positively to your relationship and what may lead to conflicts can be challenging when you're navigating it alone.

That's why we've developed the Relationship temperature in the Ally app. It's a test where you answer questions about how you perceive different areas of the relationship right now. Afterward, you'll receive a personal analysis of your strengths and challenges as a couple. The test is completely free and developed by us licensed psychologists with extensive experience in couples therapy.

Do you often have doubts in other relations too?

In some cases, doubts about when to break up are based on how the relationship is, with clear problems that have persisted over time. But for some, doubt is not so much about the relationship itself but more of a pattern that has emerged in previous relationships.

Relationship anxiety, relationship OCD (ROCD), has become increasingly discussed in recent times. It's not a separate diagnosis but can be said to fall under the diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Relationship OCD involves experiencing a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts related to the romantic relationship. Thoughts like "What if my partner isn't right for me?", "Am I really in love enough?" or “Should I break up?” are common. These thoughts evoke feelings of uncertainty, which can be uncomfortable.

Get help resolving your relationship problems

Once you know what your relationship needs, there are several ways to move forward. Most relationship problems can be worked on if addressed in time! In the Ally app, you'll be recommended exercises and tips to work on alone or together with your partner to increase understanding and bring yourselves closer.

After attempting to solve relationship problems, it may be time to reassess the relationship. Does it feel different? Are you still pondering if you should break up?

Prerequisites for relationship work - before you break up

To succeed in resolving relationship problems instead of breaking up, it's important to have the motivation to work on the relationship. Consider whether you're willing to do what it takes to bring about change. Are you prepared to work on understanding your partner better and be open to seeing and changing your own behaviours in the relationship? In a relationship, both partners have a responsibility to communicate their feelings and needs to each other, rather than allowing a conflict to linger.

Working on the relationship may also involve being willing to seek professional help if needed. It's not essential for both of you to be willing to work on the relationship together in the same way. If you can't get your partner involved right now, a first step might be to start on your own.

There are also warning signs that more clearly indicate serious problems in a relationship. These involve control, threats, and violence, and can be more or less pronounced.

If you want to meet someone in person, you can turn to municipal family counselling or private psychologists and couples therapists. The different options suit different needs depending on the severity of your relationship problems and your practical circumstances. We have listed psychologists and therapists across countries and cities to assist you in finding the perfect match when you’re doubting about when to break up.

Get started on building a stronger and closer relationship

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